When a child graduates from high-school and is accepted into a university or college program, parents feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, mixed with a sense of anxiety and loss. Their son or daughter has achieved academic success, and now he or she is ready for the next step towards independence – getting a university or college degree.
For many students, going to college or university means leaving home, often for the first time, and for their parents, saying goodbye can be a very difficult thing to do. Most experiences some degree of "Empty Nest Syndrome."
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
In an article titled "Empty Nest Syndrome," by psychotherapist, Christine Webber with Dr. David Delvin, the sense of loss experienced after a child leaves home, is defined as: a general feeling of loneliness that parents or guardians may feel when one or more of their children leave home; it is more common in women … A strong maternal or paternal bond between the parent and child can make the condition worse. The role of the parent while the child is still living with them is more hands-on and immediate than is possible when they have moved out, particularly if the distance means that visits are difficult.
Change is never easy and when parents have spent 18 years or more raising a child, his sudden absence is bound to create a sense of loss. Suddenly, the house is quieter and long-established routines of meal preparation, homework, extra-curricular activities, family outings and schedules is disrupted. For stay-at-home parents, learning to say goodbye to a college age child can be more severe, and learning to recognize and cope with signs of empty nest syndrome is the key to surviving and thriving in this new situation.
Signs and Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome
It is not uncommon for new Empty Nesters to experience symptoms similar to mild depression, immediately after their child leaves for university or college. Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome are easily recognizable:
- Over-sleeping
- Not sleeping enough
- Inability to concentrate
- Sense of hopelessness
- Feeling helpless
- Loss of appetite
- Overeating
- Feeling irritable
- Increase in alcohol intake
- Feeling empty
- Sense of apathy
- Sense of sadness
If one or more of these symptoms last for more than two weeks, contact your doctor. If symptoms worsen and the Empty Nester has thoughts of suicide, this is a very serious situation and help should be sought immediately.
How to Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome
Acknowledging that feelings of sadness and loss are healthy reactions to a child leaving home to go university or college for the first time, is an important step in learning to let go. New Empty Nesters should realize that they are not alone, and that this anxiety is normal. Deal with the problem in the following ways:
- Seek support from friends who have already experienced a similar situation
- Talk to other family members about your feelings
- Stay busy: go out to movies, invite people over for dinner, join a book club
- Exercise regularly: join a gym, sign up for yoga classes, bike, jog or go for walks
- Stay in touch with your child and let him know how you are feeling – Don't forget, this is a stressful situation for the child too
- Make a routine for yourself and stick to it
- Put together monthly "care" packages – your student will enjoy the novelty of receiving "snail-mail," and you'll have fun doing it
An Empty Nest Can be a Happy Nest
Although the first few weeks after a child leaves home for college can be challenging, by following these simple coping strategies, parents will soon find themselves taking advantage of their new found freedoms and opportunities.
With time, the initial sense of loneliness will be replaced by a sense of accomplishment – after all, a continuing education is a wonderful thing to give to your child, and he or she didn't get to university or college without the support and guidance of their loving parents. Congratulations on a job well done. Now go and doing something you really enjoy, and don't worry about being home on time to cook dinner.
Sources:
Webber, Christine and Delvin, David. "Empty-Nest Syndrome." NetDoctor, UK (accessed January 10, 2011).
Help Guide.org. "Understanding Depression" (accessed January 10, 2011).
Julie Burtinshaw - Julie is the Reading and Literature and Writing and Publishing Editor for Suite101.com. She is also the author of five books and is ...
